Stop Waiting and Start Acting

In lie number nine of 15 Lies Women Are Told at Work, Bonnie Hammer challenges the idea that good things come to those who wait. I agree that waiting has limits. Real career growth often requires chutzpah, the courage to speak up with humility. Balancing motherhood and career can tempt you to stay quiet, especially when stress, burnout, imposter syndrome, and self doubt creep in. But progress fuels energy and confidence. Ask yourself who benefits from your voice and what you are contributing. Act with clarity and generosity. Audacious, not annoying, is the sweet spot.

If you have ever why you aren’t hitting your ambitious career goals, you know this tension.

Do I wait my turn? Or do I speak up?

This post is part of my series on 15 Lies Women Are Told at Work by Bonnie Hammer. I am covering all fifteen lies and giving you my take. Where I agree. Where I disagree. And what I have learned the hard way.

Lie number nine is this: Good things come to those who wait.

Bonnie argues that waiting is useful when things are truly out of your control. But great things come to those who have the nerve to ask. She uses the Yiddish word chutzpah. Courage. The willingness to suggest, opine, and advocate.

I agree. Mostly.

But there is a fine line between bold and unbearable.

Let me explain.

Following the Opportunities

Many women I coach are hyper achievers. Capable. Driven. Carrying a mental load that could power a small city.

They are also exhausted.

Balancing motherhood and career often feels like spinning plates while someone keeps handing you more china. You want career growth. You want to follow your dreams. You also want to be present for bedtime stories and school plays. And frequently you are the CEO of your household. See more on too many plates spinning here

So you wait.

You tell yourself the right opportunity will appear when the kids are older. When work calms down. When stress is lower. When you feel more confident.

I have coached people who are waiting for the universe to send a sign before they will proceed.

I marvel at their patience.

And I quietly wonder if the sign already came and they declined it.

It reminds me of the parable about the drowning man. Also known as Two Boats and a Helicopter. A man prays for rescue during a flood. He refuses help from two boats and a helicopter because he believes God will save him. He drowns. When he asks why he was not saved, he is told that help was sent three times.

There is a difference between faith and passivity.

Waiting can look spiritual.

It can also look like fear.

Overcoming Fear and Imposter Syndrome

Imposter syndrome is sneaky. It whispers that you are not ready. That you should sit tight. That someone will notice your talent eventually. See more on overcoming imposter syndrome here

A well meaning person once told me to go along to get along if I wanted to succeed.

It is not terrible advice. You will not get in trouble. You may also not thrive.

In contrast, I have never been short on opinions. Patience has not been my strongest virtue. I want what I want when I want it. I have used chutzpah to an annoying level more than once. The outcomes were not always ideal.

When your boldness turns into noise, people tune out. You become the boy who cried wolf in a work clothes. But here is the part that matters. My willingness to speak up also put me ahead. It created opportunities. It allowed me to live and work around the world on my own terms. That did not happen because I waited quietly.

It happened because I asked or opined. Sometimes awkwardly. Sometimes imperfectly.

Combatting Burnout by Acting on Career Goals

There is a link between stress, burnout, and inaction.

When you are a hyper achiever who is not moving toward meaningful career growth, the energy has nowhere to go. It turns inward. It becomes self doubt. It becomes frustration. It becomes late night scrolling and second guessing.

Combatting burnout is not only about rest. It is also about progress. Progress creates hope.

Bonnie says do not hold back even when it feels like the safer choice. Stop focusing on the reasons things might not work. Focus on how they might change for the better if they do.

That does not mean acting with arrogance. It does not mean acting with entitlement. It means audacity with humility.

I once had the chutzpah to suggest to a new acquaintance that we enjoy her beautiful home with the hot tub and sunset view off the coast of Hawaii. I could have stayed quiet and polite. Instead I said, I wonder if we should take advantage of this incredible setting. She loved the idea. We made a memory. I made a friend.

How to Ask For What You Want

If asking for what you want is uncomfortable, doing it with humility sounds like this.

• I wonder if...

• Is it possible that...

• Have you considered...

Most importantly, do not tear down other people’s ideas. Chutzpah is asking or suggesting politely. Not tearing down someone else.

If you are going to speak up, do it wisely.

Ask yourself:

• Who does this benefit. Me or others.

• Am I doing this to receive credit.

• Is what I am saying additive.

• If I am saying no, what am I suggesting instead.

• What is the worst thing that can happen.

Be clear on your goal. If you are not clear, it is just noise. Provide options. There is rarely only one path to the outcome you want. And aim your courage at the person who actually has the authority to decide.

Sharing is Caring

Furthermore, this chutzpa doesn't have to be aimed only at your success. One of the moments I am most proud of had nothing to do with me. When I left a company, I knew a team member was not receiving fair treatment on her equity. I advocated for her. I received nothing. In the end, she was treated fairly and later was able to buy the house her family needed.

That is chutzpah in service of others.

And that is career growth with integrity.

Follow Your Dreams or Wait Your Turn

Here is my take on lie number nine. I agree.

If you are balancing motherhood and career, managing stress, wrestling with imposter syndrome, and quietly nursing big career goals, I want you to consider this.

Are you waiting for permission? Or are you ready to follow the opportunities that are already circling you.

Having the courage to make the suggestion or offer your opinion is a valued trait. It can move you forward faster and smoother. Keep it humble. Keep it focused. Keep it generous.

Be audacious. Don’t be annoying.

If you are seeking guidance on how to survive in a man’s world while still honoring your values, schedule a free discovery call and see how coaching can help you find your own success formula.