Perception is Not Reality

Does this story resonate with you? I’m talking to my prepubescent son who was a head taller than his peers. I tell him that when he turns 13 he will eat me out of house and home. Given that he was always taller (and thus heavier) than his friends, his first response was “Mom, are you calling me fat”? Why did he think I was saying that? Because he was insecure about his weight (he was never heavy) he perceived what I said differently than I intended.

This is the story of my life and probably yours. We all perceive what is communicated to us through the lens of our own insecurities. In my son’s case, he was insecure about his weight.

No one is doing anything wrong here. We can’t help but use our personal lens to interpret what we see and hear. But if you find yourself getting irritated by what someone communicated to you, step back and think about the following question:

“What’s another possible Interpretation?”

There may be so many reasons why someone says or acts like they do. If you feel your boss is keeping information from you, what is the reason?

• Are they holding the information as a power play?

• Do they want you to focus on your current activities and don't want to bother you?

• Do they actually not have the information?

• Are they still processing the information and don’t know what to communicate?

The answer in your mind will be influenced by your own insecurities or experiences.

So once you uncover the interpretations, you should ask yourself how you will choose to view it and respond now, or next time?

And to help avoid people misinterpreting you, I have a couple of tips for you:

• Be precise with your words - I know I struggle with this one. My brain moves faster than my mouth can and with that, I lose precision

• Be as transparent as possible - communicating as many details as possible helps reduce ambiguity