Oops, I Did It Again

No, I didn't break anyone's heart like Britney. Read on, for my story.

I may be a coach and know better, but I am still human with all the foibles and idiosyncrasies that humans have. That thought helps.

I had a stressful September. It is a great topic for my series on managing stress, but this will also be difficult for me to discuss publicly. It leaves me vulnerable and as for those of you who know me, you know that vulnerability is not a comfortable place for me. But Brene Brown says it is the key to ultimate happiness, so vulnerability here I come!

I got fired from a consulting gig. It was my fault.

Up until the moment I made my mistake, things were going well. We made improvements to their processes, and communication and collaboration were improving. We weren’t perfect yet, but releases were going out on time and the releases were having a positive impact on the business. My team was filled with hyper-achievers who strove for external recognition, which was starting to increase.

After a tough meeting with critical feedback, a member of my team was visibly upset and that is when I made my mistake.

I knew that I needed to be socratic and help the people involved determine for themselves what transpired. I’ve learned this. But this event sent me into a stress reaction. And according to my Energy Leadership Assessment (and my own prior experiences), when I am stressed, I head into Level 2 energy, which is characterized by conflict. Everything tends to be viewed as black and white, right or wrong, good or bad. Now as a coach, I have learned to get past my Level 2 response and move to a more constructive level of energy, one which is more of a building up energy than a destructive force.

The great news is that I normally have my Level 2 conflict response under control - until I was imbibing with my family and having a great time. Alcohol decreased my control over Level 2 and I sent a message. It was direct and a bit aggressive. Ok, maybe a lot aggressive. By Monday, the gig was over.

This event triggered my hyper-achiever saboteur and then sent me into a Level 1 response. Level 1 is characterized by a victim perspective. I felt powerless and was perseverating over the event until I could coach myself through it.

So what did I learn and how did I get past it?

• Progress, Not Perfection. I have made progress in managing my Level 2 Conflict response to stress. I am not perfect yet. But I will continue to strive to get there, one actionable step at a time.

• I’m thinking about inventing a breathalyzer that stops people from messaging people when their blood alcohol is anything but a big fat zero!

• I worked my way through my Level 1 victim response by looking at the gift it gave me. It gives me time to focus on my coaching business

• Additional gifts are that it gives me more time to focus on a mission to flip this house my partner and I just moved into and to work out more consistently, focusing on my health and wellness

My regrets or what would otherwise be called collateral damage

• This mistake impacted others on the team as it was sudden and jarring. I will continue to have empathy for them and be here for them whenever they desire and I am sure the company will work with them to move past this event.

• This mistake may also have impacted a friendship I had with the CEO. It appears to be broken at the moment. Maybe over time it can be repaired.

If you want to learn more about what energy you bring to your day to day life as well as when you are in stress reaction, contact me to do an Energy Leadership Index assessment (ELI) and I’ll provide a readout to you and identify areas that you can improve - alongside me.