Am I Letting Fear Decide My Next Move
Updated: Sep 18
Change is hard, even when it is chosen. In this post, I shares personal stories of major life transitions and explore why fear shows up during change. From dealing with self doubt and imposter syndrome to navigating stress and career growth, fear is reframed as a useful signal instead of a barrier. It highlights values, sharpens decisions, and builds resilience when approached with intention. The key insight is simple. Fear does not need to disappear for you to move forward. Learning how to work with it allows you to follow opportunities, stay aligned with your goals, and create a life that fits.
Change feels a lot like standing at the edge of cold water.
You know you are going in. You might even be excited about it. And still, your brain is negotiating like crazy.
Maybe not today Maybe it is too cold Maybe this is a bad idea
I have had that conversation with myself more times than I can count over the last 12 years.
Different places. Different seasons. Same moment right before the leap.
I’m taking a break from analyzing the 15 lies women are told at work for a reflection on change.
Because change is hard.
I’ve been there. More times than I planned.
Over the last 12 years, life has asked me to pack a lot of boxes. Some literal. Some emotional.
I moved out of my family home and got divorced.
Started and sold a company.
Watched my daughter head to college, graduate, and build a life in Madison.
Watched my son leave, return, and step into a career I never saw coming but now admire.
Moved to downtown Chicago and traded space for closet storage and a different kind of energy.
Moved back to the suburbs to fix up and sell a house.
Moved to Hawaii.
Got married after nine years of dating.
Bought a condo in Hawaii.
Moved to Bonaire.
Heading back to Hawaii for a stretch.
And next up, Tuscany.
If you are not exhausted, I am just thinking about it.
My friends think I am courageous. And yet, every single time, the same voices show up.
Don’t leave. You love it here. This is exciting. There is so much to plan. Will we fit in? What will it actually be like? Will I see these people again? Will I like it? How will I keep my business going? How do I function in a place where I do not speak the language?
Sound familiar?
Why Am I Afraid of Change When I Chose It
Here is the honest answer.
Because I am human.
Fear shows up whether you are chasing career growth or life goals, adjusting career goals, or balancing motherhood and career while trying to keep your sanity.
Fear does not mean stop. It means pay attention.
Even people who look fearless have a running commentary in their head.
The difference is not the absence of fear. It is what they do next.
Change Is Hard And Fear Is Part Of The Process
We tend to treat fear like a red light.
I started treating it like a dashboard light.
Not panic. Information.
When fear shows up, something important is happening.
Overcoming Fear By Understanding What Matters
Fear is very efficient at pointing to your values.
Worried about leaving people behind. Connection matters. Worried about career uncertainty. Purpose matters.
I felt this when a friendship faded after one of our moves.
That one stuck with me.
It reminded me that connection is not guaranteed. It needs attention. It needs intention. I have to consider that in my actions moving forward.
Dealing With Self Doubt And Imposter Syndrome During Change
Fear also forces better questions.
Why am I making this move? What do I need to feel grounded?
That is where clarity lives.
It is why I started taking Italian lessons. Not to be perfect. To feel capable.
Imposter syndrome still shows up. It just does not live rent free in my brain anymore.
“I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear” Nelson Mandela
Choosing Aligned Opportunities
Staying put is not always the safe option.
Sometimes it is the slow drain.
Following the opportunities that fit you can bring energy back online.
In Hawaii, I found improv. In Bonaire, I found pickleball. In Italy, who knows.
Maybe it is food. Maybe it is language. Maybe it is something I have not met yet.
That is part of the fun.
How Fear Supports Better Decisions
Fear can make you sharper.
Concerned about loneliness. You plan how to meet people. Concerned about income. You get intentional about your business.
Read more about how not knowing something can drive you to better answers here
We are already reaching out to people in Italy. Asking for introductions. Looking for communities. Finding our way in before we arrive.
That is fear doing its job.
Hyper Achiever Stress And Saboteurs In Transition
If you are a hyper achiever, you probably want control.
A plan. A backup plan. Maybe a backup for the backup.
That is where saboteurs show up.
My restless voice pushes me toward the next chapter. My control voice wants to manage every outcome.
They both get heard.
Only one gets to lead.
I will plan the basics. A place to land. Flights. A few first steps.
Then I will let go of that control saboteur and let the restless voice soar.
Because control has limits. Growth does not wait for perfect conditions.
Building Self Trust Through Change
Every move has taught me the same lesson.
You build trust by doing.
You take the step. You adjust. You figure it out.
We did this twice already. The third time should be easier right?
Follow Your Dreams Without Letting Fear Lead
Here is the shift that changed everything for me.
Fear is not a stop sign. It is a signal.
It tells you this matters. It tells you to prepare. It tells you to get clear.
It does not get to decide.
“The only thing to fear is fear itself” Franklin Delano Roosevelt
The Real Takeaway
Fear serves a purpose.
But finding strategies to counter those fears is what allows you to achieve your career goals, deal with stress, and step into the life you actually want.
If you are seeking guidance on how to manage your fears and achieve your goals, schedule a free discovery call and see how coaching can help you find your own success formula.
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