What Is Really Driving Your Workplace Stress?

Your job may feel like it is creating stress, and some days you get triggered beyond what you can handle. But you can do something about it without quitting your job or losing your mind.

Understanding and accepting the root cause of the trigger is your first step. Then making conscious choices about how to respond can take a stressful trigger and turn it into a walk in the park.

Overcoming Fear and Dealing with Self Doubt at Work

We all like to believe that stress is caused by “the job.” The endless emails. The boss who doesn’t delegate well. The team that can’t seem to meet deadlines. But stress rarely lives in the external world. Instead, it takes root in how we interpret and respond.

Think about it. Two people can have the exact same micromanaging boss. One loses sleep every night, muttering, “Why doesn’t he trust me?” The other shrugs and thinks, “Okay, he needs details. I’ll give them to him.” Same trigger, very different stress levels.

Common Causes of Workplace Stress

Stress doesn’t just appear out of nowhere. It usually ties back to one of these patterns:

• Misalignment with your boss. Maybe your boss micromanages, doesn’t delegate, or gives unclear directions. You feel like you’re set up to fail.

• Working for a company misaligned with your values. Being told to push customers into something that feels shady, or pushing your team harder than you know is healthy, creates internal conflict.

• In a role that doesn’t fit your workstyle. A cautious, detail-loving analyst asked to make snap intuitive calls? An introvert shoved into sales presentations all day? Stress is inevitable. As someone with little patience and a bit of a control problem, when I was forced to answer support calls it was highly stressful for me. Not knowing what was on the other end of the call made me want to let the call go to voice mail.

• Unclear expectations. Few things sting more than thinking you nailed a project only to be told you misunderstood the assignment and have to start over. At my last company, we called it the "swoop and poop" (swoop in and poop all over the work).

• Your own saboteurs. This is the hidden culprit. The pleaser, the avoider, the hyperachiever, the stickler, the restless one, the controller, the victim, and the master judge—they each fuel stress in different ways.
  

How Do I Deal with the Stress That Keeps Me Up at Night?

Step 1: Understanding

The fastest way to quiet that 2 a.m. stress spiral is to understand the root cause.

Instead of judgment—“My boss doesn’t delegate well”—try discernment: “What do I actually need to succeed here?”

See more about how to avoid sleepless nights in this blog post

The tool I use with clients is the 5 Whys.

>>Example #1: My Boss Doesn’t Delegate Well

From the boss’s side:

1. Why don’t they delegate? Because they think it’s easier to just do it themselves.

2. Why do they feel it is easier? They don’t believe others will do it “right.”

3. Why do they think others won’t do it right? They don’t fully trust the team’s skills.

4. Why don’t they trust the team? They fear mistakes will reflect badly on them.

5. Why are they worried about that? They tie their worth to control and perfection.

From the employee’s side:

1. Why does it bother me? Because I don’t get meaningful work.

2. Why does that matter? I feel stuck.

3. Why does being stuck hurt? It makes me question my value.

4. Why does not being valued sting? I want to contribute and prove my worth.

5. Why? Because deep down, I fear I’m not enough.

See how this circles back to fear? Theirs is fear of losing control. Yours is fear of not being valued.

>> Example #2: My Boss Micromanages

From the boss’s side:

Micromanagement is usually fear-driven: fear of losing control, fear of mistakes, fear of being judged.

From your side:

Micromanagement triggers a feeling of not being trusted. That pokes at your identity—“I’m capable, why can’t they see it?”—which spirals into fear of being unworthy.

My Saboteur Story: The Hyper Achiever

I’ll be honest—I’m a hyperachiever. Mix in some hyperrational and controller tendencies, and you’ve got a perfect recipe for my stress soup.

I want autonomy. I want the freedom to use my expertise. When a boss constantly told me, “Just do what I say,” my inner judge screamed. My stress skyrocketed.

Eventually, I left that job. But looking back, I could have tried reframing. I could have asked: “What do I need to get from this boss to do my best work?” I could have named my need for autonomy instead of silently fuming.

Step 2: Reframes That Help You Manage Workplace Stress

• Instead of: “My boss doesn’t delegate well.” Try: “I need more clarity to be successful. What questions can I ask to get it?”

• Instead of: “My boss micromanages.” Try: “Their micromanagement comes from fear, not my lack of skill. How can I build trust here?”

• Instead of: “I’m not getting recognition.” Try: “What conversations can I have about what success looks like here?”

Reframing doesn’t erase the stress trigger, but it gives you your power back.

Step 3: Sage Approaches You Can Choose

Depending on your stress trigger, there are a number of sage approaches you may employ and here are some examples:

• Start with empathy. Having empathy for your boss and for you can help get you out of your judge mode and into a safer space. You are both doing your best, but you can both get better.

• Define your criteria for success. Before starting a new project, ask for what you need to be successful: What are the deadlines, deliverables, success metrics, resources, and check-in points that I need and how will I get those?

• Verify assumptions. If directions are vague, use your judgment and then confirm.

• Ask for more leeway. Sometimes your boss doesn’t even realize they’re smothering you.

• Skill-build. If your boss doubts your ability, find out what specific skill they need to see—and build it.

• Know when to walk away. If your company’s values or workstyle truly clash with yours, leaving might be the healthiest choice.

Takeaway

Usually when you get triggered in the workplace, the root cause and the solution is within you. Sometimes that means leaving a job. Other times, it’s about your perspective, your self-awareness, and your conscious choices. Stress may start at work, but the power to change it starts within you.

If you are stressed at work and need help figuring out why and what to do, reach out for a free discovery coaching session to learn how coaching can help.