A Better Way To Handle Criticism

Generally I have very thick skin. Not much bothers me. But, at times, when someone criticizes me, my first reaction is

>> feel bad about myself.

My second reaction is

>> defend myself through rationalization, explanation, or blame.

Those are not the healthiest responses and I have worked hard on finding a better response.

What Makes It Criticism?

Was it really a criticism? Criticism is technically defined as:

"The expression of disapproval of someone or something based on perceived faults or mistakes"

I would suggest that the definition of criticism is in the eyes of the beholder. One man’s innocent comment is another man’s rejection. But rarely is it meant as a rejection.

Many years ago I told my pre-teen son that when he got older he was likely to eat me out of house and home. As an adult, you read that and think, of course. All teenage boys have voracious appetites. Definitely an innocent comment. To my son, who was taller and thus weighed more than all his friends, his response was “did you just call me fat?”. He took it as a criticism. That was his lens.

The lens by which we look at the world and our interactions is based on our life experiences and the influences of people and the world around us. One of my favorite lines is “We all see the world through the lens of our own insecurities and experiences.” But most importantly, our lens impacts our happiness and success. It can also create limitations or create tension.

A Better Way To Handle Criticism

So what do you do when someone says something that you perceive is a criticism?

A. Sulk in the corner

B. Criticize them back

C. Defend yourself

D. Take a breath

E. Try to understand their possible intention or motivation

F. Do nothing

Of course the best answer is E. But it is also D. Take a breath and ask yourself, “what could be an alternative meaning for this comment?” If you can find at least one other meaning or explanation, you know that your view of the situation may be off. So then what?

I would suggest that either way, if you feel you are being criticized, being a learner and not a judger is advantageous here. A great question back would be something as simple as “can you explain what you mean by that?”

If you find yourself with less than constructive responses to criticisms, coaching may be for you. Schedule a free coaching discovery call to explore how coaching can help you interact with the world in a more positive way.