Herding Cats: Influencing Without Authority
Updated: Sep 18
I’ve been there.
You’re in a meeting. You’ve done the work. The thinking is solid. The roadmap makes sense.
And somehow… it still doesn’t land.
Engineering pushes back. Your manager “wants to take it offline.” Nothing moves.
So you tell yourself:
I need to communicate better.
I need stronger stakeholder management.
I need more authority.
Maybe. But probably not.
It’s not your strategy. It’s your state.
Most product managers don’t struggle because they lack good ideas.
They struggle because of how they show up when those ideas are challenged.
That’s where things like the Energy Leadership Index (iPEC) and Positive Intelligence actually matter. Because they explain something most PM advice ignores:
👉 Your internal energy is shaping every interaction you have.
And people can feel it.
The hidden shift: catabolic vs. anabolic energy
Quick version:
Catabolic energy = stress, defensiveness, proving yourself
Anabolic energy = curiosity, collaboration, confidence
Same meeting. Same words. Different energy. And it changes everything.
Example:
You’re discussing roadmap tradeoffs.
Catabolic: “I need to convince them I’m right.” (You over-explain. You push. You tighten up.)
Anabolic: “Let’s figure out the best outcome together.” (You ask better questions. You create space. People lean in.)
Nothing about your authority changed. But your influence did.
The 3 saboteurs quietly running the show
Here’s where it gets uncomfortable (in a useful way).
Most of us have patterns. Positive Intelligence calls them saboteurs that kick in under pressure. Saboteurs are the root cause of all your stress.
A few I see all the time with product leaders:
1. The Pleaser
You avoid friction. You say yes when you shouldn’t. You keep the peace… and lose the room.
You’re liked. But not always trusted to lead.
2. The Hyper-Achiever
You tie your worth to outcomes. So when your idea is challenged, it feels personal.
You push harder. You try to win.
And ironically… people resist more.
3. The Avoider
You delay the hard conversation. You hope alignment “just happens.”
It doesn’t.
And now you’re reacting instead of leading.
None of these are character flaws. You develop your saboteurs in early childhood and they were meant to protect you.
But here’s the catch:
👉 These patterns trigger catabolic energy 👉 That energy lowers your leadership presence 👉 And suddenly… influencing without authority feels impossible
Why this matters more than another framework
You can learn every stakeholder mapping tool out there. But if your energy is:
defensive
hesitant
approval-seeking
People pick up on it. Fast.
That’s why two PMs can say the exact same thing and get completely different outcomes.
A small shift you can try this week
Next time you’re in a tough conversation, don’t start with your argument.
Start with understanding your state.
Before you respond, ask yourself:
Am I trying to prove something?
Am I trying to remain liked?
Or am I trying to understand something?
That’s it. A simple tiny shift in perspective.
With this shift you can move you from: 👉 “convincing” → to “co-creating”
And that’s where real influence starts.
What I teach product leaders instead
Not more scripts. Not more frameworks.
What I teach people is how to:
recognize when a saboteur is running the show
shift their energy in the moment
and lead conversations that create alignment (not resistance)
Because influence without authority isn’t about pushing harder.
It’s about showing up differently.
If this feels familiar…
If you’ve ever walked out of a meeting thinking:
“That should have gone better…”
You’re not wrong. And you’re not stuck.
I’m hosting a free session on influencing without authority in April 2026: Herding Cats Without Losing Your Mind: Managing Up, Down & Around
We’ll break this down in real time. How your internal patterns show up in conversations, and what to do instead (without becoming someone you’re not).
No fluff. Just practice.
👉 Join us. You can sign up here
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