Are You Holding on to the Wrong Dream?

This post explores the first “lie” from Bonnie Hammer’s book 15 Lies Women Are Told at Work — the idea that you should “follow your dreams.” The truth? The dreams you start with often belong to someone else. As you gain experience and self-awareness, those dreams evolve into something that fits you. By following opportunities instead of rigidly clinging to an outdated dream, you open doors you couldn’t even see before. This article blends personal storytelling, humor, and reflection to help you rethink your career goals, overcome self-doubt, and prevent burnout by aligning your work with who you are today.

Intro

When I picked up Bonnie Hammer’s book 15 Lies Women Are Told at Work, I expected another round of well-meaning advice about confidence, balance, and ambition. What I found instead was a refreshing mix of honesty and real-world wisdom—stories that don’t just inspire, but make you stop and question what you’ve been told about success.

So I decided to write a series unpacking each of these “lies” through my own lens—where I agree, where I disagree, and what I’ve learned coaching ambitious professionals who are unhappy and don't always comprehend why.

In this post, I start with Lie #1: “Follow your dreams.”

It sounds empowering, but as Bonnie points out, it’s not always the best advice. Sometimes the dreams we chase were never ours to begin with—they were handed down by well-meaning parents, teachers, or guidance counselors.

That hit home for me.

When I was heading off to college, my dad told me I should be an accountant. Why? Because I was good at math. In his mind, people who are good at math become accountants. So off I went to business school, technically undeclared, but in his imagination already destined for a life of spreadsheets and ledgers.

That dream lasted about five minutes.

My first accounting class was like eating dry toast every day for the rest of my life. Then I discovered computers—and everything changed. Problem solving, systems, logic, creativity… it all clicked.

Technology had created entirely new careers my dad didn’t even know existed. His dream for me wasn’t wrong—it was just outdated. And it wasn’t mine.

Following Opportunities vs. Following Dreams

Bonnie’s first point is powerful:

“We can’t dream what we don’t know.”

At any moment, there’s a near-infinite number of blind spots—industries you haven’t worked in, companies you haven’t encountered, and jobs you haven’t tried. So instead of chasing a fixed dream, it’s smarter to follow the opportunities that expand your perspective.

I once had a client who believed, “You can reach your goals as long as you know what they are. You have to know where the fence is to swing for the fences.” It sounds good, and sometimes it’s true. But it’s also limiting.

Dreams can motivate us, but they don’t need to be set in stone.

I never set out to start my own company. I liked being second in command—helping the head honcho think through tough decisions and letting him or her make the final call. Then an opportunity to start a software company landed in my lap, and everything in me said yes.

That one “yes” changed my life.

It eventually led me to launch my coaching business, where I now help entrepreneurs and emerging and rising leaders reduce stress, overcome self-doubt, and thrive without burnout.

I didn’t follow a dream. I followed an opportunity. The dream evolved along the way.

Teaching Points

Bonnie suggests these critical elements and I completely agree.

💡 Know yourself. Understand what energizes you and what drains you. Use tools like DISC (reach out to me if you've never done one and are curious). If you crave personal interaction, a solitary coding job might not be your forever fit. I love driving strategy, so know that a repetitive operational job wouldn’t bring me joy.

💬 Do your homework. Talk to people in the roles or companies you’re curious about. Informational interviews aren’t just learning tools—they’re also door openers.

🌦️ Recognize that no job is great every day. Sometimes it’s not the work—it’s the manager. Don’t make career decisions based solely on a rough season or a poor manager.

🧭 Research opportunities. When something new arises, check if the company’s culture and values align with yours. Getting this wrong can stall growth and shake your confidence. I had a client who was very direct among a culture of politeness. That was a difficult two years.

🔒 Once you decide, lock it in. Even if the opportunity doesn’t go as planned, look for the silver lining. Every experience is a teacher if you’re paying attention.

Takeaway

I completely agree with Bonnie Hammer’s take on this first lie. Staying open, curious, and eager to learn will lead you to richer, more authentic dreams than you could have imagined early on.

She says, “Keep our lens wide open.” I couldn’t agree more.

Lie #1: Completely Agree.

Next Up

In the next post of this series, I’ll explore Lie #2 from Bonnie Hammer’s 15 Lies Women Are Told at Work — where we’ll talk about how “knowing your worth” might not mean what you think it does (and how that belief can seem more like entitlement and limit your ability to grow your professional worth).

Call to Action

If you’re wondering what you want to be when you grow up—or simply want to reignite your spark—I have a Find Your Spark process that helps you rediscover who you are and uncover opportunities that truly fit. ✨ Ready to explore? Schedule a free discovery call to learn how coaching can help you.